Fighting away the pain
by LadyBardock
Summary: A short story, Neji and Hinata have to find a way to live together without hurting each other. Nejihina don't like don't read.
1. Chapter 1

For years she had been avoiding him. Ever since the Chunin exam she looked with fright at him, she ran away, just as a coward she promised herself she would never be. She told herself being scared was not a trait a ninja should have. She tried to convince herself that she had to keep her head high and never show how terrified she was of him, but it never worked. She kept staring at the ground, running away, stumbling on every word. The day her father told her she had to marry him, she fainted disgracing herself. Her father scolded her, threatened to take away the leadership from her, but yet she could not control the reaction of her weak scared mind. After their marriage she was even more scared, but to her surprise nothing happened. He did not come to her their wedding night, nor any night that came after it. He insisted on moving out of the compound, just to almost vanish from her life. They house Lord Hyuuga bought for them was large, so avoiding each other came easily. She made sure there was always dinner for him in the fridge, and he made sure she spend as little time as possible with him.

After several months it began to bother her. First it began when her father asked when will they have their first child, then it was her friends hesitant questions about where her husband was, and why wasn't he there with her. Later it was her own head, asking questions about where he was, and what he was doing. Later it was herself asking that one painful question, with who he was spending his time… In the past years she always thought of Naruto as her future husband, he thought of him as the father of her children and man to spend her life with, but reality as different. Neji was her husband, and he was to be the father of her children. As much as she never wanted him to be her husband, each day the need of having children drilled a hole in her heart. Her father's questions only made it worst, she always wanted to have children but she could not have them on her own. It takes two people to make children, and she did not dare find a man outside of wedlock to do it.

She was not jealous of him at all, for all she cared he could spend his life as he pleased, as long as she had what she wanted. It would even be better that way, she would have the child she desired so much, and he would be free to do whatever he wished.

Making up her mind was just the first step, she knew she had to overcome fear to come close to him, she felt she would probably have to drag him away from another woman, she knew she would have to overcome her inexperience and shyness, but she would do everything to get her child. She never thought of it as of their child, it would be HER child.

At first she just watched him, coming in and out of their house. Eating, training, meeting with his team. She would see as he went to the Hokage, as he went about the village, to the cemetery to his father's symbolic grave. She would see him meeting with her father about clan business. And nothing more. It really made her wonder, the only woman in his life was Tenten happily married with Lee and already with child… And men in his life, well that was a possibility she couldn't believe…

Then she tried something else, overcoming her shyness, she stopped avoiding him. Whenever he came home dinner would be warm on the table, not in the fridge. She would be somewhere around to greet him. She suggested that they should paint the house, and maybe even furnish the empty rooms, to which he calmly agreed. They began spending more time together, but that was not her goal at all. She wanted a child, not a roommate! She tried but deep inside she was too scared and too shy. And she felt that going further was far beyond the things she could do. She knew she could just tell him that she wanted to have a child and that he would probably do it for her, but deep inside that didn't feel right… She wanted him to come for her, she wanted him to want her, and not just to fulfill some breeding duty. She was tangled in her own web, she still wanted the child, but she did not want to force him to it anymore. The soft side of her kept whispering that it was not right to force him to sleep with her, that it was not right to seduce him or to primitively demand he made her a child. After many weeks she just gave up, gave up all hope. She proved that she was as weak as before, she accidently hurt herself finding out that her own husband was not interested in her at all.

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Neji did not like complicated things, and this last mission was too troublesome and difficult. Things just kept going wrong, first Lee got injured, then they lost their way, then they were attacked, and finally they were ambushed. The rescue team he had sent for did not come in time, and with his teammate injured, and with two inexperienced Chunins this mission was doomed to fail. He did his best, fighting off the attackers, he did his best killing two of them and injuring three others, but he had no way to stop the poison flowing in his veins, and he had not one to call for help.

Just as he looked the last time at the dark sky above him, he kept thinking of her. His doom, the doom of their marriage. She would finally be free from him, and even though it shouldn't it really made him happy. She would live her life as she wanted, find another husband who she would love. Find happiness, and that was all he could wish for. It would repay all they hurt he had caused her, all the suffering and pain. He welcomed death smiling inwardly.

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She was called to the hospital just after she came home from training, she knew immediately something bad must have happened. When she saw him, unconscious and half dead, she realized she did not want him to die. She stayed with him, taking care of him, listening to the medic nin's discussions about him. She watched them trying to cure him, trying to drag the poison out of him. She changed the cloth on his forehead trying to fight off the high fever, she held his hand and whispered words of comfort. They told her there was little chance, they told him they were unable to do anything more. Not even Sakura, not even Tsunade were able to help him. Tsuande said there is no way to save someone who wants to die. Hinata could remembered his words, that only in death he would be free from his curse mark, and from his real curse which was her. It was then she made her decision, one of the most significant in her life. She told them she wanted to take him home. She said she did not want him to die there, in the cold white room of the hospital. She was his wife, and she would take care of him. They did not oppose her wish, she got the medicine that Tsuande made to ease his pain, she got all the support and comfort she could get from her friends.

That night she gently hugged him trying to bring him comfort, whispering that death was just another way of running away, not freedom, but one more cage. She held him tightly and fought for him with all her strength. Sometimes she felt a response, a whisper, a movement, but it took a long time before he whispered her name. Tsunade came to see him next morning, and gave her some more drugs for him, and expressed her surprise that he even reacted to anything. The fever was still high, but he began responding, mumbling him his agony, reacting to light and touch. Days passed, and his condition was steadily improving. Tsuande made a comment that the care of a loving wife can do much more than any medicine. His fever was still high, but the last blood tests showed that his body was slowly fighting off the effects of the poison. After almost ten days Sakura declared that his life was no longer in danger, and that the worst was behind them, which lit a candle of hope in Hinata's heart.

After two weeks from the lethal attack on him, Neji opened his eyes, and noticed he was in their room, the room no one ever lived in, but which was meant for them as a marriage. She was sleeping next to him, tired and a mess. He touched the compress on his forehead and looked around at the countless medicine bottles on the bed table, and at the tiny hand holding his. He fell to sleep peacefully.

She woke up in the middle of the night feeling his arms wrap around her, he instinctively put her head on his chest and fell back to sleep.

They both woke up early in the morning, he still had a fever and a headache, but the soft response of her body next to his made him forget about those minor inconveniences. She was surprised to find herself so close to him, but seeing that he was awake and conscious made her hug him even closer in joy. Before he could stop himself he leaned down and gave her a kiss. He could see her wild blush, her surprise. It was just a minute before she ran away from him.

The next days were full of taking care of him. He was still ill, but Tsunade was able to help him in his condition faster than before. Hinata spent the nights next to him, but as far away as possible trying not to disturb him. He began walking around the house, and slowly everything went back to normal. They still slept in their one bed, she still looked around after him making sure he was alright, and he kept telling her bitterly that now he could take care of himself again.

In a way he was disappointed they managed to save him, he felt bad being so weak that someone had to help him with so many things and that someone had to take care of him. He could remember how she ran away from him, how she kept her distance as if he was poisonous himself and it hurt him more than anything. He was determined to get well as soon as possible, and just after five weeks from his last mission he recommenced his duties as a ninja. Lord Hiashi suggested that maybe he should give it all up and concentrate more on the clan business but Neji had to prove to himself that he was worth something. That he was not helpless.

He was bitter towards Hinata, and he avoided her even more than before. The only thing that didn't change was their sleeping arrangement. The bed was big enough for both of them so they could easily avoid touching each other. He liked looking at her in her sleep, and even when she tried to move back into her old room, he suggested that she should stay and that he would move back to his old room. But he didn't, he just stayed there with her. Quiet and distant but always there.

One day he saw Shino Hianta's former teammate and now leader of the Aburame clan. He demanded if Neji had time to talk. Neji had to listen about how he was bad towards Hinata, about how she cared about him, and she fought for his life. He heard many bitter words aimed at him, and he knew it was all his fault. It was all his fault. When Aburame finally left him speaking out his last accusations, Neji could only think about what he did to her, what he kept doing to her. And he kept wondering how to fix it.

He wandered around their house, aimlessly, thinking about how he only signified pain in her life. A lot has changed in it he noticed, he remember about how she said she would like to furnish some rooms and redecorate them, but what he saw was amazing. Almost every room was finished, most in pastel calm colors, nice wooden furniture. Even his office was repainted and everything was placed in a new order. His old room was repainted as well, the only room left alone was the one she prepared first, their bedroom. The last room made him stand there forever in shock. He just stood there afraid to come in, it was painted in light pastel blue. There was a soft dark blue carpet on the floor, toys on the shelves, a small bed, and all the other things needed when having a child. He could feel cold clutch his heart, the room was perfect, it had everything in place, she must have spent many days and hours working on it, planning it, and for what? For a child that was not even conceived yet. For a child that would probably be not his, a child she did not want to have with him. He clutched his fists feeling the anger raise and the pain fill his heart. But instead of letting it all go he buried it deep inside, falling to his knees and crying it away so that no one would ever know about it.

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	2. Chapter 2

She noticed he was more distant, as if a wall grew in between them. He came home for dinner, they ate together, then he would go to do his work, and she would go to bed. He would join her in the middle of the night only to get up before her…

Later one day she had a talk with her father. He kept asking about their marriage and grandchildren and she finally couldn't take it anymore, she burst into tears and ran away. That was the day Lord Hyuuga had finally realized that the prospect of having grandchildren was not probable in the nearest future.

Tsunade was still worried about Neji's condition but his will to come back to full duties was stronger than ever. He took overtime, he took extra paperwork, extra missions. As if he had nothing or no one to go back home to. As if no one was waiting for him. As if he had something to run from. She tried talking to him, but he was rock cold and emotionless. She could never read him or understand him so she soon gave up.

The most persistent proved to be Tenten, his former team mate and now a happily married mother of a cute little girl. Every time they met she kept asking about Hinata, and asking why she wasn't there with him, but he had only one answer. That she had other more important things to do. But her last question made him think a bit, she simply asked if he was sure of that. And to say the truth he wasn't. He had no idea what Hinata would do in the afternoon, after her medic training and duties at the hospital. She would probably cook dinner, he finally decided. Maybe read a book or meet with her former team, with her friends. It was strange to him, that his friends were not her friends and vice versa, her friends were not his. They lived in a very small ninja community and everyone knew each other. But she spent most of her time with the Inuzuka and Aburame families, as well as with Naruto, Gaara and several other people he knew well. While on the other hand he would spend time with his former team, his sensei, and some other ninja, that is if he had the time… Which lately happened rarely. He wondered what she was doing and with who. It began to bother him.

What everyone told him made him wonder about Hinata and what she was doing more and more. And he did not like that. He preferred not to think about her, their marriage, and everything in between. But people kept talking, asking questions, making suggestions. Tsuande, TenTen, Lee, Gai… even Lord Hyuuga began talking about he was worried about Hinata. Everything and everyone around him talked about his wife.

After his tea with Tenten he decided to go home early. At first he did not know what to do. The kitchen was empty and dinner wasn't ready yet. She wasn't in her office, she wasn't in the living room or anywhere else he would normally look for her. At first he thought that she didn't come home yet, but her shoes were already in the closet near the door.

He went down the hall and looked into their bedroom and proceeded to their old bedrooms, only to find them empty. There was only one more room he didn't search. The room he tried to forget about and omit while going around the house. And that was where she was. He found her sitting in the corner holding a plush elephant and crying. She was so lost in her thought she didn't notice him. He just looked at her and wondered what happened, who hurt her and what was wrong. But he knew the answers to those questions. It was him. It was their disastrous marriage. Everything was wrong and he had no idea how to fix it.

He gently approached her, and as soon as he touched her shoulder she flinched and looked at him totally surprised. But before she could say anything he lifted her gently from the floor and took her to the living room. He put her on the sofa and went to make some tea.

When he came back she had already calmed down a bit, but her eyes were still red and she looked miserable.

"What's wrong?" He gently asked her giving her a warm cup of tea. At first she didn't reply and looked at the liquid. Her hands were trembling a bit.

"I feel bad." She finally replied.

"Are you ill?" He asked. She just shook her head.

"I feel… bad inside…" She hesitantly whispered. And as he didn't say anything to that she began speaking. "It's like everything is wrong… My whole life is all wrong… I'm too weak to be leader, I'm not a good ninja, I'm not a good wife… I disappointed everybody and I can't take it anymore!" She hugged the plush elephant again and tears feel from her eyes.

"I feel cold inside as if my heart was a cold stone. And I don't want to be like this! I don't want my life to look like this…" She sobbed and mumbled.

He gently moved a tress of her hair from her forehead. "You shouldn't always believe what people tell you…" he tried to comfort her. "And you shouldn't always comply with their demands and whishes." He gently moved his hand to the back of her head and pulled her in a warm embrace. She let him hug her, but did not return the hug still holding onto the plush elephant. "You should do what you want, you should be what you want, not what others expect from you." He whispered into her ear. "Take your life into your own hands…" Her sobbing stopped a bit, but tears were still falling from her eyes. "Can you tell me who you want to be and what do you wish from your life?" He gently asked.

She didn't reply for several minutes and he didn't push her. She needed time and he knew it. Finally after several minutes she whispered "I want to be happy." She told him. "I want to be a good ninja and a good mother…" She hesitantly admitted. "I would like to succeed as heir, and I would like my father to love me…" Her last words made him hug her tighter.

"Maybe he does love you but he doesn't know how to show it? Maybe you already are a good ninja? And maybe you will be a great mother?" He told her. "Maybe you can be happy only if you start looking up at the bright sky and not the dull mud on the ground?" He whispered and she finally stopped crying. "I know you never wanted to marry me, and that you were always scared of me… But I promise I will not stand in your way in finding your happiness." He gently kissed her hair. "I'm sorry." He got up and left her alone feeling his soul die. If only he took the time to look around and see the look in her eyes…


	3. Chapter 3

The next day he made up his mind, he slowly approached the Hyuuga compound with a heavy heart, but he would not stop now. Lord Hyuuga was not surprised to see him, but what he heard made him terrified. The marriage it took so long to plan, and so much effort to organize, was falling apart. Hinata had decisively opposed the idea of getting married to Neji, but Neji himself did not go against the marriage plans although he did not seem happy about it either. But a divorce in the Hyuuga was unheard of. Lord Hiashi considered the fact that his daughter one day might ask for it, but his son in law surprised him. He did not know how to reply or what to say, he was taken aback by the idea itself. He thought that with time things would work out, he thought that since over two years had passed that things were going in the right direction. Only when Neji told him his desires did Lord Hyuuga realize how rarely he say them together. Even at big Konoha festivals and parties. Even at meetings in the Hyuuga compound. They would come separately and leave separately. He looked at his son in law sternly and declared the only thing he could. That no divorce would happen within the Hyuuga as long as he was leader. The words that followed surprised Neji completely. But when an heir to the Hyuuga would be born Lord Hiashi promised to step down and accept any decision Hinata and Neji might make. Neji replied with a stern look knowing one thing for sure that such prospect was very unlikely.

As soon as he left Hiashi called a servant to get Hinata, and when she came he could only repeat all he told Neji. About the divorce and his conditions to it. He watched her face and saw the shock, but he wouldn't make it easy for them. The Hyuuga had their laws and they would be respected by everyone, and especially by his daughter and son in law.

She came back to an empty home and looked at herself in the mirror. There was only one thing she could do to make him happy, and she would do it without hesitation…

When he came back he first went to his office to do all the paperwork that he had to do. Finally late in the evening he decided to end the day and go to sleep. As soon as he entered their room he noticed the light was still on and Hinata was laying on the middle of the bed reading a book. Seeing her he gasped and stood there dumb folded. Not because it was unusual for her to read a book, but because of what she was wearing… She was dressed in a light purple sleeping gown, almost completely invisible only with gentle ornaments in the most female of her features. She was laying on her stomach and had her legs in the air crossed at the level of her hips. He could see all the curves of her body, the gentle line of her back, her long long legs and slim waist.

He swallowed and gently closed the door behind him. When she heard the door closing she looked towards him, and the light in her eyes made him heart jump. As if she was waiting for him. As if she was really his wife. As if she really loved him…

She put the book away on the floor next to the bed and got up to great him. At first she wanted to cover herself but the way he was looking at her made her tremble. His eyes were so warm and so soft at the same time. She found it funny that she used to be scared of him. First when she was a little girl, and later when she was a teenager who kept thinking about what it would be like to kiss her own cousin who she still feared. Now being an adult woman, a married woman, she didn't feel fear anymore. She gently approached him, stood on her toes and did what she dreamed about for years. She finally found out what his lips tasted like.

At first he couldn't believe it, her taste and her smell invaded all his senses. Then as he gently touched her and as he gently pressed her against him he could only feel immense happiness. With every kiss and every touch his heart jumped of joy. Time stopped for them as they finally ripped off each other's clothes and hugged tightly. As his tongue invaded her mouth and as she discovered every centimeter of his body. He admired her hair, her soft smooth skin, while she admired his perfectly toned muscles and warmth. She never considered him warm, but his touch and his body was gentle and warm. As he laid her on the sheets nothing else mattered to both of them apart from their connection… their bodies together and how it felt right to be that way. He only wished he had more courage to tell her how much he loved her… Instead he tried to show her with every ounce of his being what she meant to him, what this meant to him and that he really wanted their marriage to last forever…


End file.
